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Meeting my second potential sperm donor
I sat at a Covent Garden café table, opposite potential donor number two. He looked like a cross between Alan Alda (on whom I’d had a childhood crush, being addicted to watching re-runs of M.A.S.H....
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Devastating news – fertility becomes futility
After my weeks of sunshine and quality time abroad with my beloved parents, coming back to the UK and re-entering the nightmare of my conception journey has, ironically, been like being dragged out of...
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A new plan and renewed hope – IVF
The world looks different to the one in which I wrote the agonised diary entry three days ago. So much has changed, and the biggest transformation has occurred inside me. I made a decision, and with it...
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Preparing for IVF – Ordering the sperm
My medication arrived safely the day after I ordered it, and I felt the first of what were likely to be dozens of mini-triumphs as I stumbled over each hurdle towards IVF. So many things could still go...
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Information: Finding the cheapest way to have IVF
Forgive a brief interruption to the narrative flow of this memoir once again. I felt that it might be helpful to share some information. I recently posted on a fertility forum asking if there was...
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Preparing for IVF – Needles, needles and more needles
My hands are shaking and I feel faint. For years I’ve had a phobia of sharp objects, especially needles, and now my worst nightmare is being realised – I have to give myself an injection. A few days...
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Preparing for IVF – Second scan (and all systems are go!)
I arrived early for my second scan. I recognised the auburn-haired nurse I’d seen the day before and she showed me into the scanning room straight away. This time, a friendly-faced male doctor with a...
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IVF – The experience of egg collection (and being part of a miracle)
I arose early after an understandably restless night and caught the bus to the fertility clinic. Dark clouds hung low in the sky and the temperature had warmed slightly. Alone in the waiting room, I...
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The wonder of IVF – Embryo transfer
So much has been written about the pain and emotional trauma of IVF. Of course I will be deeply upset if the process doesn’t work but the overwhelming sensations I felt during the egg collection and...
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The two week wait (pregnant until proven otherwise!)
And I am into the dreaded Two Week Wait, or ‘pregnant until proven otherwise’. Many claim this to be the hardest part of the IVF process. No more scans, blood tests or monitoring by the clinic, just...
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My tiny universe
I can’t take my eyes off the ultrasound monitor. That tiny, indeterminate black dot has grown. In the last few days, it has increased from a 3mm speck to an unambiguous 8mm elliptical blotch. It...
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Pregnant with a cold
It’s the curse of every teacher joining a new school; hundreds of unfamiliar germs lie waiting to pounce on his or her unsuspecting immune system, dragging it down like a rugby player in a tackle. I...
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Heartbeat!
I was alone again in the Early Pregnancy Unit waiting room, numb with panic. The next few minutes would play a crucial role in determining my future happiness. I had tried to push pregnancy from my...
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The longest three months of my life
Each day of the first trimester of pregnancy must seem like walking on a knife edge for any woman keen to be a mother, but for a soon-to-be-thirty-eight ‘last chancer’ who has invested everything in...
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Dreading the 20 week scan
Photo courtesy of Christopher Robbie The 20 week scan fear begins to creep into my thoughts like a frosty shadow over the blooming garden of second trimester bliss. Next Friday afternoon could utterly...
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Surviving the 20 week scan
Elizabeth, the sonographer, is holding me in her arms while I sob… and we haven’t even started yet! The terror of receiving bad news at the 20 week ultrasound scan has grown rapidly worse all week....
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A reponse to the Mail’s article about the UK’s NHS-funded sperm bank
The Mail on Sunday newspaper sank to a new low today. Its headline was maliciously tailored to incite hatred and whip up a scandal by demonising vulnerable women (lesbians and those who are single) who...
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